Selfish parenting skills!/never wanting children
Aug 28, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8bnE2_7kfU

hey you guys and welcome back to another
beautiful day it is Tuesday August 27th
it is the day after my birthday I am now
officially 38 only got a few more years
and I'm gonna be 4000 for the moments
that I never thought that I would ever
get to that age you know when you were
younger you think about it and you're
like 40 such an old age it really is
it's just an old age I don't know why I
always thought 40 is an old age well
darn it reaching up onto 40 and now I'ma
backtrack and say it's not an old age
seventies and old age 80 okay keep it up
there anyways I just want to say thank
you to everybody that reached out to me
and wished me a happy birthday
uh um Sam from Facebook Instagram not
Twitter here even in my personal
messages I think everybody I got so many
happy birthday wishes and videos and all
of it that I couldn't get ahold of
everyone I just want to say thank you so
much to everybody that reached out to
some time out of their day to say happy
birthday to me yesterday I didn't really
do much I went to a Dutch brothers
because here
where I live they have Dutch brothers
coffee and on your birthday you can get
any size of a coffee whatever kind of
coffee you want for free on them so I
went ahead and took the advantage that I
had and when got a coffee from them and
then I think that was it I didn't really
do much because all he worked yesterday
and it just kind of was like a low-key
day I spent it with the kids you know
it's just another day in my book it's
really not that big of a deal but
tonight as the the night was ending it
became more of a big deal to me and I'll
get into that here I was surprised by my
husband a couple days ago so you've
already seen me wear a couple of them if
not baby probably all of them at one
point but I wanted to share them with
you guys
anyways so he had surprised me with a
really nice gift and I it made me feel
so special that he took the time out of
his day to even think about me and buy
me something that he knew that I would
like and that I could use so why not
anyways I will show you what those are
all of these came from Walmart they are
in the brand concepts these ones are
Forex like I said I think you guys have
seen all of these worn on me at one
point it just has the tapered up at the
the waist and then the bottom is like
this it's like ruffled and then the top
has like I said it's kind of got like
that it's really cool and it's tank top
so that I can put a like a black light
sweater on with it and then I also got
what you guys have seen this one I want
to show you again the pink one the exact
same thing but in pink he knows I love
stuff like this and the material that it
is it's really stretchy and oh so comfy
so and this one again is the Brandis
concepts and the size is a 4x so okay
last but not least of the same brand or
same style or however you want to say
that this one the bowl came out of I
have to just put it back but it's just
the blue color same exact thing ruffle
on the bottom it's a 4x from the
the brand concepts and it's a 4x and
then last but not least altogether I got
this beautiful color I was so excited
that he bought this one for me so it's
gonna go great into my wardrobe because
it's something that I needed and that I
need and it's still like light weight I
mean it's very light weight but still
this one is long-sleeved this one comes
from the brand Tara Skye it's a 4x it
was the brand and this one was 1295 he
said so there's the this one is extra
extra long it's gonna be so nice to wear
in the winter with leggings or something
of that you know style and also the
thing I love about it is it has pockets
yes and there are deep pockets out that
look pockets so anyways that is what I
got for my honey and my kiddos for my
birthday how sweet of him and them I
really appreciated that gift and anyways
other than that I had a really good day
I went to the mailbox yesterday thinking
I was going to get something special in
the mail and I know that I have made the
choice to not continue to have a
relationship with my biological mother
and I do that for multiple reasons one
being for boundaries of disrespect and
not respecting me as a as a person and
as an adult you know and also putting
forth her part in trying to nurture a
relationship that will never be if she
doesn't put her part in only you know if
one side is putting in and the other
side's not you're never gonna be equal
to have a good working relationship you
know and it was getting to the point
where it was just we weren't going
anywhere it was
repetitious you know is kind of the same
thing day in and day out and you know
the last straw was when she hung up the
phone on me and I I haven't talked to
her since although I thought you know
and maybe I'm wrong for feeling this way
but I really thought as her daughter
that she would still at least
acknowledge my birthday and say happy
birthday you know by sending me a card
I'm not expecting a gift I'm not
expecting her to give me anything but
even just a card to say hey you know I
understand that you're upset with me but
I want you to know that I'm thinking
about you on your special day you know I
thought again I can't that I guess
that's not fair of me to do that because
that's me story lining somebody else's
way of thinking and I can't do that
because otherwise I'm gonna constantly
set myself up for her because I'm always
thinking what somebody could do
differently you know if it had been me
which there was a point in my life where
it was me
where we weren't on the best terms and
even though we weren't I still
acknowledged her birthday and I still
made it an you know I still made it my
point to send something for her you know
so that she had something on her
birthday from me no matter where our
relationship stood because she is still
my mother at the end of the day and
that's never gonna change nothing can
change that nobody can come in and erase
the fact that she's my mom and I'm her
daughter so I guess that kind of stung a
little bit you know because I seriously
thought that at least I would get
something in the mail and when I say
something I'm talking like a card or a
letter but there was nothing and I just
have to come to the realization that you
know I really believe this relationship
is over and I
- I guess really grieve you know the
fact that my biological mother is not
going to be the biological mother that I
deserve you know i sat there the night
of my when my birthday was yesterday I
was sitting there I was reflecting back
on on what birthdays mean and I asked
myself this question you know what is a
birthday mean to me to me when I look at
my children I think of that day is the
day that they took their first breath in
this world that day is the day that I
took the responsibility to not only love
them unconditionally and always be there
for them but to always always protect
them to the best of my ability and do as
much as I can to see for that they are
taken care of you know when again when I
look at my children and I think of their
birthdays I think of the celebrations of
all the things that they accomplish each
and every year whether it be you know
within their first year they're learning
to walk and learning to talk and you
know H - they're learning they're
they're they're goods and they're Bad's
and what they can you know pushing
themselves you know - new new limits you
know that's what I think of when I think
birthdays and my children however I
think back when I was born here on that
day I was born into a world that not
only did I take my first breath in but I
was given to a set of parents that
honestly didn't deserve to be a parent
that might be very harsh for me to say
that might be something very mean for me
to say but it's the raw reality that my
father was nowhere mentally capable of
taking on the role of being a father you
know the world got too heavy for him and
he just checked out and with my mom kind
of same thing no she didn't commit
suicide but she took out the road from
being the responsible parent that she
should have been and took a different
road and left me down below and decided
to numb out by you know choosing her her
drugs and everything else that she's
chosen and I feel like as an adult now I
feel like sometimes she still continues
to make those same choices not with
drugs but I feel like she makes those
choices with other life situations
you know she would rather be there to
help somebody that's a stranger than be
there to to celebrate with her daughter
or with her grandchildren that are
celebrating birthdays and holidays and
different occasions and accomplishments
and achievements with my children that
you know I would always think that my
mom would want to be a part of and she's
shown me differently she has shown me
that it's not her cup of tea it's not
her thing she told me along to a couple
of year by about a year and a half ago
she told me that she should have never
had children she should have had animals
but she should have never had children
and that she'd never wanted children to
begin with and I you know when she said
that to me I guess you could interpret
that in so many different ways but the
way that I interpret it was okay but you
did have children and when you chose to
have your children that was the day you
chose to take on a responsibility that
you can't just cash out on you can't
just check out from being a parent and
saying well you know I didn't want
children to begin with I didn't want the
responsibility I wanted to be selfish
and I wanted the world to be all about
me when you chose to have children that
choice that you made is now the new
choice now it's time to step up put your
big-girl panties on put your cowboy hat
on and roll with it
and I feel like with her it just never
clicked so as yesterday was a big day
for me in multiple ways but me turning
38 getting closer to 40 and looking at
my life now and seeing that I have three
beautiful children that I will always be
there for I will always be there to
support my children as long as I am on
this earth I took that responsibility on
when I chose to have babies that I would
always be there to support them and be
their support and be there for every
milestone that they take you know
Jeremiah is gonna be going into middle
school and I cannot be more excited to
see him you know going into his first
day of middle school his first day of
high school watching him cross the
graduation line seen him and what he
chooses to do in life when he becomes an
adult and my grandbabies if that's in
the cards with my children their spouses
their weddings their their birthdays we
celebrate every year it's just I guess I
see it so differently then I guess some
do and so I just felt even though we are
not on talking terms I still thought
that she would reach out to me and I
still thought she would recognize that
day and just say hey I remember this day
38 years ago I brought you into this
world and I just want to say I love you
or whatever she chooses to say to me but
that didn't happen
so as I was getting ready to go to bed
last night it just kind of stung a
little bit because you know I really
thought that I was gonna hear at least a
card from her and and you know I don't
think it would have changed the fact of
my feelings right now towards everything
that has been going to one but it still
would have meant something to me to see
that she took the initiative to reach
out to me on the day that is special to
me yeah it's my birthday yeah I turned
38 people can act like you know my god
get over it it's their birthday but
that is a day that is special for
anybody that is the day you are brought
into this world to take your first
breath to see the first ounces of light
and to be on a world of change for the
next 80 plus years that day that
revolves every year comes around that is
another day to celebrate that you were
back on this earth for another you
finished a whole nother year so
birthdays are special to me
do I believe that special birthday's
have to be blown out and you spend
hundreds and hundreds of dollars I did
that was my first one
Jeremiah had some major expensive
birthdays but as the kids were coming a
little bit more about Michael you know
and at the end of the day we realize
that birthdays are for the person
they're not for people they're not you
know you don't have to put on a big show
to make that day special for the person
so in my household when it's my
children's birthday they get to choose
what type of dinner they want they get
to choose what they want to do that day
if it's they want to go you know bowling
or go to an arcade or whatever the thing
is that they choose to do that's what we
do and then they get to receive gifts
here at the house I would rather take
the money that we're gonna go put on
birthday parties and put that towards
gifts and things that my babies can have
you know what I'm saying but it's just
the point that every year that my
children turn another new year
their mama's gonna be there standing at
the finish line of that year cheering
him on and saying congratulations I'm so
proud of you for making it through
another year and doing life you know
it's not always easy but you made it
so anyways enough with the bable bable
so tomorrow is Wednesday tomorrow is
Ally's day off but also tomorrow marks
my surgery day yes I have to check in at
9:00 Ida
no it's like 9:00 or 9:30 optic akin and
surgery starts roughly about 10 o'clock
I don't know again how long surgery is
going to take because yes it is for the
IUD but they are also going in and doing
a few other things while they're in the
room so I don't know how long it's going
to take but I'm sure that everything's
going to be fine I will definitely keep
you guys updated I thought about maybe
going live while I'm there before I get
rolled back we'll see because you guys
won't be seeing this until tomorrow
which is the day I'm having the surgery
so you may see me life before then and
if you did well great if not while
you're seeing this one for now but I'm
really excited to just get this chapter
done and over with and move on to the
next stage of life like I said I am 38
now it's time to start just being a mama
to my three beautiful babies that I have
really start vowing to get my life back
in gear that's another thing that I've
really been really really thinking about
and really arguing within myself and my
brain to getting back on track with my
weight and my health it's time that I
take back my life and so this year that
I'm on this earth that God gave me
another another year to be on my goal
this year I am blessed to be on another
year on this earth is to really take
seriously my health I want to vow that
my life and my health from my physical
health to my mental health all are going
to come first and everything else will
come second my kids deserve to have
their mama there to stand by their side
on every year of their birthdays and not
have a mother died prematurely because
she's being selfish and not taking care
of herself to be there a long time and
in long terms with my babies so anyways
I'm gonna close this video I hope you
guys enjoyed again thank you everybody
for stopping in and saying happy
birthday to me it meant
a lot to me and thank you for the ones
that I received cards from I truly
appreciate it
I cannot say thank you enough for all
the amazing people that I have been
blessed to have in my life there's so
many new ones that you guys have just
been blessing me left and right and I am
so proud to say that we are all part of
Amy's life journey and again it's not
just Amy's life journey it's all of our
journey
take care of you guys and I'll talk to
you later bye bye